Should Women Be the Ones to Pursue?

“Why not ask him out?” a lady asked me. I responded with a thoughtful look and said “well I don’t believe its my place to be the one to seek him out and ask him. I think the guy should be the one to do it.” She then looked at me like I was from Mars. “It’s the 21st century.  Come on, girls do it all the time.” I then said, “Well I’m not like other girls. I believe that God doesn’t want ladies to be the pushy, flirty type and ask all the guys out that we run into. I  believe that God will let things happen in His timing and how He wants it to happen.” Again she looked at me like I was crazy. She said “Come on, God isn’t going to bring someone to your door and say “marry him”.”

This was one account of MANY I had with her about guys. You will see what I think about what she said in the paragraphs below…

 I have been dwelling on this conversation lately and wanted to back myself with what GOD says about it. It is hard to decipher what God wants sometimes, but its really simple. He will show you. He will guide you. All we have to do is listen to Him. Simple right? Well who am I kidding. It can be hard at times, but we ourselves make it that way. We have to be in His word and talking to Him daily to hear from Him daily.

I have researched biblical incidents about relationships and this is what I have found.

1. Marriage was God’s idea-

 Adam. He was the first man. He and Eve’s relationship was the first human to human relationship. Adam was living alone, just he and the animals. He was doing what God told him to do. Genesis 2:15,19-20 says, “And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it……..And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; an brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: an whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all the cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.”

He talked to God daily. He was CONTENT and happy just living and doing what God told him to do. God decided that Adam shouldn’t be alone so He made Adam a help meet.

Genesis 2:18- ” And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

 Marriage was God’s idea. God gave Adam Eve to be his wife.

Genesis 2:21-25“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the Adam,and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. and they were both naked. the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

Ladies and gents…… Adam woke up and found this woman and knew God wanted her to be his wife.

So to me…yeah it sounds like God DID bring Adam a wife to his doorstep. 😉 But lets keep looking.

 2. Marriage models the kingdom of heaven-

Throughout scripture you see Jesus referring to the church as his bride.

Revelation 19:7-9 says, “Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. And  he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto  me, These are the true sayings of God. And I fell at his feet to worship him. And he said unto me, See thou do it not: I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren that have the testimony of Jesus: worship God: for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.”

Jesus is coming for his bride that we are preparing for him. In the same way, a woman prepares herself for her husband, and then he comes and he takes her as his wife. If it was the other way around, the bride would come for Jesus. The constant symbolic model of Jesus and his bride is a consistent reminder of the order found in scripture of a husband loving his wife as Christ loves the church, and the wife honoring the husband.

As Christians, what we are living for is that final marriage as described in Revelations. Jesus will take his bride, and that is the model that has been set up for us to follow as well.

3.  The man is supposed to lead- (Genesis 3:16)

 A husband is called to provide, protect, nurture, lead, instruct, and give vision to the family. When a woman pursues a man, she is taking on the role of the man to lead, provide, and even to protect.  Often times this emasculates the man, causing the roles to be switched, even in the marriage.

Ephesians 5:22-24- Wives, submit to your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church:and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands.

As mentioned above, there is a biblical model on the order of a marriage. Men submit to God; women submit to their husbands; Christ submits to God. The submission that the Bible speaks about refers to the woman following the leading of her husband; this does not mean she does not have a voice. As a matter of fact,  a Godly husband empowers his wife to be who God called her too.

The wife should marry a man who she trusts to make good decisions, which in turn allows her to follow his leading.

Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”

To find is to look for something and then acquire it.

4. Every woman deserves to be pursued-

There is honor and dignity that is given to a woman when she is pursued and won over. You are worthy of the pursuit. When you read Song of Solomon, you see how he pursues the bride over and over. This book can be taken as a literal love story, or as an allegorical one of Christ’s love for the church—His bride. Either way, He pursues the bride. In the same manner Jesus pursues us daily with His love, calling us deeper into relationship with Him, we should want our marriages to model that. Allow yourself to be pursued to the end; and allow the man God has for you to win your affection and claim you as his.

So I believe we as women are called to wait for our future husbands to pursue us. Will you do your part? Love God, talk to God, read His word, be in a relationship with Him and He will send someone to you. Be patient and enjoy the moment that God has placed you in. Position yourselves to do your part and allow men to do their part.

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