Dating Vs. Courting

So what’s the difference? And what’s the big deal with dating? People say courting is dating with a purpose, but what does that mean? Keep reading.

Dating- A lot of people see dating as a must when your 15 and over (now even younger :o). They find a girl/boy they like to hang out and go with it. He asks her to go out with him and that is the start. A lot of kids know the relationship won’t last and well its ok, they think they have got to have someone so they can date like everyone else. Do you see any logic here??? NO! And the parents that let them? Well I will not judge, but it is not wise of them. The parents may think that it is all fun and games and they are innocent. If you are dating at age 15 you are more than likely NOT innocent and know more than you should. There is NO innocence in public school these days. You may or may not know it but your kids are doing stuff that you do not know about. Right? I mean you drop them off at the theater with no chaperone and then let them sit alone for two hours? Okay so I could get on a rampage but I won’t. So dating is independence. Everyone messes up, and it is easy to do. With dating it is just you and that person, why put yourself in that hard place? It is hard to have self control! We all have weaknesses and for most people this is one of them.

Courting- As stated before, Courting is dating with a purpose, which means they are “dating” and meaning for it to lead to marriage. You are courting this person with marriage in mind. True, not all courtships work out but that’s ok. You had to see for yourself that he/she wasn’t the one for you. So courtship does not mean you court one person and you have to marry them, NO! As far as courtship goes, it all about accountability. It is about getting to know each other in a group and family setting. How are you going to get to see the real them if its just the two of you? Going on dates (yes, you can go on dates!! :p) with chaperones. Does it mean that the parents do not trust you, or that they or you do not trust the other? No, its so you can stay accountable to everyone, especially GOD. Some things can lead to another without you knowing it and it being too late. When you get caught in the moment its hard to stop.

Dating, as practiced in the 20th century, has commonly treated boy-girl relationships as a private, personal matter. Courtship sees boy-girl relationships as accountable and therefore open and accountable.” ~Dennis Gundersen

Dating- With dating its ok to be physical. Hand-holding, close sitting and kissing is all ok and for some further? Well what does kissing lead to? Yep, you got it!! Now I am not totally opposed to kissing (I will expand on this further down). But, when in the dating realm and its just the two of you…not a good plan. Some think that any physical intimacy is ok! It is not just about catching diseases or getting pregnant. NO! It is what God commanded. He did not tell us that we should not enjoy or ever have sex. Just not outside of marriage! He blesses sex in marriage. Please look these scriptures up!! Proverbs 5:15-19, Ecclesiastes 9:9, Song of Solomon 4:10-15. People say that sex is a bad word! No just not a public word! Agreed?

Courting- Courtship is definitely not physical. I feel that if a relationship is physical we cannot truly get to know the person or some just want the physical side apart that God told us not to be. With courting there is little to no physical touch! It depends solely on what you and your family think is best for you. All people are different and can handle physical touch more than others. For me I think hand- holding is perfectly fine while courting. No kissing! I think you should hold off on that until a bigger commitment so you can focus yourself on getting to know one another. When in engaged I think for some it might be okay to kiss. For me I want to wait for marriage but I also think that couples can get in a MAJOR hurry when there is NOTHING physical at all. Now don’t get me wrong, I do not think that you should do any major kissing or more but when there is nothing, and you love each other more and more each day it can be hard. I suggest not have a long engagement either because it can get really tough and if you know you are getting married, why wait? My mom always said “long courtships and short engagements” and it has become my motto for this subject. But I think if you can wait for kissing and NOT rush into marriage then by all means, WAIT! How wonderful to say you waited until marriage for everything!

“Courtship recommends waiting for one romantic relationship that culminates in marriage. Dating recommends a series of romantic relationships as the way to prepare for marriage.” ~Dennis Gundersen

In reading my blog you can see that I am all for courtship. Ask God what is best for you and your family.

Some good books to look into:

Courtship & Dating- So whats the difference? By Dennis Gundersen

When God Writes Your Love Story -By Eric and Leslie Ludy

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